Lost In Vain

Lost in Vain

By: Nathaniel Rodriguez

Nathaniel tries to tell the story of how fell in love with a girl whose name he can't remember. How could you forget your first love's name?  It was bugging his mind. Yet he doesn't realize he's not seventeen anymore nor does he knows he's in a coma after a huge car accident he was in. All he knows is he's trying to remember her name. As he goes through the memories of their moments together, he forgets the goal he was striving for. All he remembered was how much in love he was with this girl. Will he remember her name? Or will it be lost in vain?

Chapter 1

September 8, 2012

Bright lights flash between my eyes. Two seconds later there’s a crowd of darkness. I opened my eyes again and there she was. Standing there, waiting for me. I glanced at her up and down, her chocolate-to-caramel ombre hair color, wearing a burgundy sweater and matching her sweater with her Chuck Taylor’s. I didn’t mind the rain falling over my head anymore. I was too busy falling in love with this girl staring right at me. I really did not care about anything but her right at that moment. 

She looked at me, smiled. GOD, that smile. It was like a radiant of happiness glaring over me. She slowly started roaming towards me and then next thing I know she’s giving me a hug. Staring deeply in to my eyes and then my lips. She bit her bottom lip and plants a kiss on my lips. 

“What was that for?” I asked, thinking about the tenderness and warmth of her lips as they collided with mine. She smiled again, ugh that beautiful perfect smile. 

“I wanted to do that for a while now,” she kissed me again, “And I’m glad I did.” 

I’ve never felt my heart beat so fast. Questions struck my mind, “Is this what they call love? Am I truly falling in love with a girl I just met? Why so soon? Or am I truly falling in love or surpassing it? Whatever it is, I love it.” 

I asked her “So where do you want to go?” “Wherever our feet take us,” She replied “As long as I’m with you, Nathaniel.” 

The way she said my name was so full of passion like she have known the name all her life. Or maybe I’m just in love with everything she’s saying. Well all I know is my love is growing a lot for her. Her beauty may have reeled me in but beauty is not everything. Do you know the phrase, “There’s more than it meets the eye.” Well, I’m here to say, W.H. Auden was not wrong about that. She proved it to me that “there is more than it meets the eye.” 

She grabbed my hand and pulled me. We started walking, wherever our feet take us. I did not really know much about Astoria much but this is where she lived all her life. I wanted to know where she grew up. Every corner she would tell me a story on what happened on that block or this block or at her school or when she went biking. When I mean everything, she told me everything and I was so surprised yet fascinated that she could trust me with all this. I decided to be fair and tell her everything. Every broken bone, every person I knew, just pretty much my whole life. I noticed she was really listening to me. She never spoke over me and never questioned me. Out of every girl I’ve ever spoke to she seemed the most interested in what I was telling her. We laughed at my embarrassing moments. Gosh, that laughter of hers. 

I asked her “How come you never asked me about my hearing aids?” 

“I’ve been wanting to but I find it rude to ask, would you mind telling me a story of how you overcame your hearing impairment?” She told me. I smiled and I went on and on about my hearing impairment. Never did I ever feel so comfortable talking about it. I felt like I can tell anyone now. It was all because of her. She looked sad for a moment and I asked her “What’s wrong?” 

She replied, “I wish there was something I could do. If I could give you my hearing, I would.” 

I wanted to cry, I really did. But I held it back because that had to be the most amazing thing anyone has ever told me. 

“You don’t have to do anything,” I knew from that, her personality is what started to reel me in even closer to her. I was falling in love. “But keep making me fall.” 

Right now I did not care about the past or the future. I cared about right now. I wondered if she was thinking the same. 

“Deal.” She smiled. 

She told me she knew a spot where we can sit down and talk for a while. Well I know that you know that “talk” meant kiss. So I followed her. It was on the side of an abandoned building that had a doorway but we knew no one was going out that door. So we sat down and well the stoop was wet. I guess she didn’t care and I didn’t either. I looked in her eyes. I saw a sparkle in the corner of her pupil, she wouldn’t believe me, but I did see it. I smiled and brushed her hair softly over her left ear. Took a deep breath and smiled again. I put my hand over hers and she tangled her fingers between mine. 

I started to lean forward but she didn’t. I saw why, there was a woman with a child walking past us. I knew right away she didn’t want the child to know what we were doing. “Wow, who is this girl?” I thought to myself. She put her arms around my neck pulled me. That child must’ve been gone already because our lips connected and I felt that swirl of happiness taking me over or maybe that was our tongue intertwining. I closed my eyes and saw colors. Not just any colors but bright colors. All I saw were happy colors. Then I heard multiple voices, “She’s the one man,” and a crowd cheering, “You did it!” My god, what a feeling. What a wonderful feeling.  

Everyone may have a different point of view of this feeling I was feeling but you know damn well I was feeling what you felt when you kissed your first love.

Chapter 2

September 11, 2012

I remember how terrified she was about a surgery she was getting to get her tonsil removed. I did my best to cheer her up and keep a smile on her face. Told her "I'll be here for you at all times." She was probably the only girl I've ever stayed on the phone with for more than an hour. All we talked about was happiness. 

I told her, "You are the probably the most considerate girl I've ever met in my life, even more considerate than myself. The way that you put me before yourself is what really is making me fall in love with you. You bring nothing but happiness in my life." 

"You deserve to be happy and I'm glad I bring happiness to you. That's what I want for you because you have such an amazing heart." She asked me a question, "Why me? I mean, out of all the girls that try to get with you, why me?" 

I thought about it a lot and answered her I would never answer. "It was love at first sight. I ignored every single girl that wanted me because when I met you I knew you had to be the one. And I knew that you knew. You knew I wanted you and I loved that. You went along with it and it brought us here. Where I could be my complete self with you. No embarrassment. Butterflies in my stomach all the time. Sweaty palms. Fast heart beats. Thoughts after thoughts of how beautiful you are. That heart of yours that manages to bring sunshine of a smile on my face. You are the perfect one to me. And I WANT YOU. You knew I did and still do. I'll always want you, even if you do not want me. I'll fight till you want me." 

"You really know how to make me smile, Nathaniel." She said. 

"That's all I want to do." I smiled so much. 

I wanted to see her after her surgery the next day. I wished her best of luck and sweet dreams. 

And then I put a status on Facebook "Never felt this way about a girl before. I hope she's feeling the same. Plus I wish you good luck on your surgery tomorrow." Guess who liked the status. Her. 

The next day came and my mind was blowing up. All I could think is, "I hope she's okay! I should shoot her a text before she goes to surgery." 

Speak of the devil, my phone vibrated and there was a picture from her. She was in the hospital bed, with such a frightened face and the text said, "I hate needles!" 

I replied, "Lmfao, I do too. Just don't look." 

She didn't reply after that. I was worrying all day and I couldn't even present my thoughts on 9/11. I told my teacher I've never heard of 9/11 till I moved in New York City from Florida. Everyone gave me that “this nigga” look. But I really could care less because I was only fussing about her. 

I'm already out of school. Started walking to the bus stop and that's when my phone vibrated. Her surgery was finally over and she kept telling me how much pain she was in. I wanted to help her dearly but there wasn't anyone else that could pick my little brother up. I told her I'll see her soon. Well, soon meant on Saturday. At least, I hoped so. 

Chapter 3

September 15, 2012

Finally, I could go see her. It was such a beautiful day out too. I felt like nothing could ruin this day at all. I told my mom I was going out. But she stopped me and just questioned me.

“Where exactly are you going?” 

“Out.”

“Where is out?” 

I huffed and puffed, “To go see someone,” I looked her straight in the eyes since that’s how she knows I’m not lying. 

“OOOOOOH, Nathaniel. Who’s the lucky girl?”

I laughed, “Ma, she’s just someone I like. Mind yo’ damn business.”  

She slapped me playfully, “Alright but don’t let any girl mess with your head. Remember what I told you. Don’t get heartbroken, break hearts.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know ma,” I gave her kiss goodbye, “I’ll see you later, love you.”

I started walking towards her neighborhood. I thought maybe I would walk all the way to her. It may be at least thirty miles but I really didn’t care. All I cared about was seeing that smile of hers, that beautiful radiant smile that just melts me like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. 

“Spare me some change please, young man.”

“Huh?” I looked at the man sitting against the wall. “Oh, you want money?” I checked in my pockets and found a twenty dollar bill. I didn’t have any change but what the hell, why not. “I don’t have change but here’s a twenty.” 

“Oh, thank you so much, my brother. God bless you!” He laughed cheerfully, “You are glowing like a firefly trapped in a jar, my friend, who is the girl?”

I chuckled and just went blurted out everything to him, from day one with her to now. I just realized that it was getting a little too late and I told him I had to go. I started walking away and I heard a shout. 

“I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK WITH HER, MY FRIEND! GOD BLESS YOU!” 

I smiled. Even this man saw I was in love. I was so fill of love. I wondered if she felt the same.

The sun was still up and I was finally walking up her block. I called her, “Babe, come outside.” I heard the doorknob turn and opened. She ran right into my arms and I held onto her tightly. 

“I missed you,” She whispered in my ear, “You don’t know how happy I am.”

I looked into her eyes and smiled, “I do, babe. I do.” I kissed her. There was that feeling again, bright colors, happy thoughts, and I was able to have feelings for her. 

“Do you feel that?” 

“Feel what?”

“You know what.”

I smiled, “So do you.” 

I didn’t want her to talk because she isn’t supposed to after her surgery. So I did all the talking. I told her I made the Varsity Basketball for the school but I don’t think I’ll start because practice is way too early. She laughed at me. 

“What’s so funny?” I asked her.

She grabbed my face and kissed me all over my face, “You.” 

The way she did that felt like what my mom did when I was three years old. I loved it. Shit, I love everything about her. The sun which had it's time to shine for the time it was given, seemed to whisper, "Farewell" to the world as it sunk lower and lower in a lazy manner, almost as if it never wanted to leave. It was so beautiful. The sun was almost as orange as the sky and I was able to watch it with her. I held her hand tightly 

“Close your eyes now,” she said. I closed my eyes. “Open them now.” By the time I opened my eyes, the sun was gone, leaving behind the deep of gloomy, lonesome clouds in a nightfall sky.   

“That was amazing, right?” She smiled.

“No, you are.”

I kissed her and held on to her. I didn’t want to let go. 

I looked at the time and realized it was time to go. I was so sad but happy, you know, I was sappy.

“Hey, don’t be sad,” planting me a kiss, “You’ll see me again, love.”

“I just wish I’d never have to leave your side.” 

I got home. 

A voice came from the kitchen, “Nathaniel?”

“Yeah mom, it’s me.”

“How was your day?”

I started singing one of Frank Sinatra’s famous songs and I didn’t care if I was so out of tune. “I see skies of blue under clouds of white, the bright blessed day, the dark sacred night, and I think to myself: What a wonderful world. The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sk-”

    “Shut the hell up!” My mom rudely interrupted, “I get it kid,” she muttered, “Freaking kid singing and shit.” 

“I’m just so happy!” I yelled, “And I want the world to know!”

My phone rang. The number was blocked. I picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me.”

“OH, hey! What happened to your phone?”

  “I don’t know. It’s not working.”

“Okay, what’s up?”

“I need to talk to you.”

My whole world paused. That sentence struck me. Everyone knows those are the last words anyone wants to hear. My heart was beating rapidly, palms started sweating. 

“Okay,” I went to my room and locked the door, “What’s wrong?”

She started going on about how amazing our moments have been and how much of an amazing guy I am, but it was the last thing she said that made my whole heart sink to my stomach. That shit hurt. You know that feeling where you think there’s no air in your lungs but you do have air. Well, I am feeling that. These were her last words. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Well guess what? She did. Even saying that hurt even more. She hung up right at those words. Giving me no chance to talk us out. Giving me no reason why. She just left my life. Like I did not mean a single thing to her AT ALL. My heart was shattered. Not about the fact she left but at the fact that she gave me no reason why she left my life. All she left me with was curiosity that grew hungry from within me. And the worst part is, she’s the only one that could feed that hunger. 

A sharp pain shocked from my chest and spread throughout my limbs. Ouch. What was that pain? I started to feel light-headed and next thing I know, pitch darkness covered my whole eyes. 

Chapter 4

January 9, 2013

A loud ring screeched in my ears. I woke up in pure agony and all I heard was, "You're gonna be alright, sir! We got you, sir! You're gonna be okay, sir!" I looked down and I could feel a burning pain rising up from my toes to my waist. I wanted to scream but I couldn't. A woman flashed the lights in my eyes. 

"Wake up Nathaniel, you're in for Antonio!" yelled the coach. 

I got up from the bench and ran immediately to the basketball court. I was angry. I was angry at this school but was it the school I was angry about or was the anger pointing to the fact that I was at her school? All I know was I needed to stay focused. Focus on the game. But I couldn't. 

All I could think was "What if she sees me? What if she's with her new boyfriend?" Yeah that's right, her new boyfriend. It’s been five months already. She left me with no note, no message, nothing. She left as if I didn't exist, as if I didn't meet her at the train station, as if she never kissed, as if we didn’t see that child, as if we didn't walk wherever our feet took us, as if I was a stranger. 

All I wanted was an answer from her. Countless thoughts ran through my head. Why did you leave? Was I not good enough? Or was I just a toy for you to play with and drop like nothing? I just wanted an answer. The curiosity was eating me inside. Why did we have to play at this school? Why? I should just leave but then I would be leaving my team. My mind was just ready to blow. I could not concentrate. 

I was only playing in for defense so I feigned my injury and the coach took me out. I could not think straight. She was all I could think of. Then I saw a girl, she was smiling at me and then said something to her friend. I read lips due to my hearing impairment. So I read hers.

“I think I know who he is. Plus he’s cute.”

How could this random girl know me? I must find out how. But she did look familiar. Now I really want to know who she is. 

The game was finally over. The coach was upset that we lost but it really didn’t matter. My main goal was finding out how this girl knows me. I went to go look for her all over. No luck at all. I just decided to give up and go home with my best friend Antonio. 

“Koko, wait for me.” I yelled. “This girl at the game kept staring at me like she knew me.”

“Well does she now?” 

“Nah, I couldn’t find her after the game.”

“My son, you always slack. You gotta step up your game bro. Forget about her man. Plus, aren’t you with that, what’s her name again?” He asked. 

“Don’t worry about b. She’s not even in my life at the moment.”

“Wait, hold up. Doesn’t she go to this school?! Is that why you didn’t want to play today? Over her?” He looked at me and laughed, “She meant that much to you, huh?” 

“Yeah, you don’t even know.”

We got to the bus stop and started to wait. 

“It’s been an hour already! Where the hell is this bus?!” Antonio screamed, so frustrated with his life right now. 

“It is right there, dumbass.” I saw the bus soon as he said that. 

We got the bus and there she was. “Holy shit, bro. That’s her.” I muttered under my breath. 

TO BE CONTINUED...

Don't be afraid to leave comments. Give me opinions. Tell me what's wrong. This is my first draft.
- Nathaniel Rodriguez
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